Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize