Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
