O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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