Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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