Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
