I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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