I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
