I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
