I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
