I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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