So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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