Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
