He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
