You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
