Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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