i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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