party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
