haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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