My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
