She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
