we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
