the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
