Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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