Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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