im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize