I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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