Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
