My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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