Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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