I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize