My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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