I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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