You smell like a Billy Joel song
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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