I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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