Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
