After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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