Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
