I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my being single is dangerous.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
