He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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