I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
