Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
