New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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