I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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