Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
