we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
