I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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