worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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