I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
