ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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