The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Girls should come with a carfax report
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
