So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
