Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
