I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
