Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i think im in europe. pls send help
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
