he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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