Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
