I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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