Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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