I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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