Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
