I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
