We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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