My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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