You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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