I wish I only lived at night.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
