A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize