No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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