So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
