im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
