Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
