why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
