My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
