my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
40s are totally the cure
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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