the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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