So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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